There's a man who was born when my health began to worsen, and who exists only in my memory, intent on constantly reminding me of what has gone, and whether he is a friend or a foe is becoming more and more difficult to tell. I certainly feel comfortable whenever I visit this man of my yesteryears, because he takes me back to places where I felt safe and worry free.
There is of cause nothing wrong with revisiting the past, so long as it is not used as a comfort blanket to shield me from the present realities of my life, and that's the problem with this old friend of mine. It can be far too easy for me to hide away, lost in the " good old days", instead of facing that reality, which often seem too difficult to cope with. Trying to find solace in what no longer exists, shows me nothing new, and does not add anything to my understanding.
Just like anyone who feels threatened, this past version of myself, has done his best to keep himself alive, by showing me just how happy he used to be, and how bad everything is for me right now, and he has been the architect of much of my sense of loss, sadness, and anger. This is of cause a complete false impression, the past was never actually as good as he claimed it was, and the present not nearly as bad as I often think.
I must now re examine the relationship I have with this old friend. I can not, nor want to completely let him go, but I have to choose what role I want him to play in my future. Do I want him to continue to influence my thoughts, emotions, and actions, or do I want him to be simply a fond memory?
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